what beats

what beats

and cheats

the time

and wakes

and shakes

my life

 

inexplicable and

unpredictable

this life of mine

 

 

 

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gravitational pull

gravitational pull

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somethin in the water

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in response.

you so often leave me speechless. i just stare blankly. silly blinking eyes, a brain full of swirling colors attempting to form coherent thoughts and words to explain them.

coherent thoughts in response…. i think about you often. which might, in fact, be a bit of an understatement. how you smell, the sound of your voice, your laugh, the notes of your mandolin, the way you feel, the blue button down shirt you were wearing when we first spent the day together…. the first time you kissed me and the last time you kissed me. i think of you often. everyday i hope your day is going well and i walk around with a smile on my face in anticipation of our next talk, text, face-to-face…. not only a smile for what will be but also each memory of the days and weeks before.

i think you are an amazing person. i feel very lucky.

…and i can see myself being your girlfriend one of these days.

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two weeks since my last post

glad my mood is better. i think it’s been good ever since the last post. i’m amazed.

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ugg…

i’m officially in a bad mood today. i hate the bad moods because i cry at stupid shit and i get frustrated over the dumbest things. i actually came close to crying at Lowes just because there are no shopping carts INSIDE the store. i had already picked up some things and just wanted a damn shopping cart. i had decided i was going to go out the “NOT AN EXIT” door and get a cart when someone from behind the customer service desk walked out, got a cart, and pushed it into the store. i looked at him and said “can i just get a cart??” and he responded “this was for you”. i guess he was familiar with the “why are there no mutherfucking carts inside this goddamned store???” look on my face. i know he saw me walk past twice with a more and more intense look of frustration. the whole silly situation was bringing me way too close to tears and wanting to throw something. i didn’t get my run in today because a cold front moved through and we had rain….. i wonder if i’d have felt better had i been able to run this morning. i dunno. i can’t figure out if i just need a hug or a punching bag…. i wish i had a good tree in the back yard to hang one in.

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got some running shoes

i usually prefer yoga but sometimes i really need to run. i felt better just putting my new shoes on. i’m ready to run in the morning even if it’s cold and raining. actually that sounds kind of good.

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